Follow the Horror
Once again I find myself in my favorite narrow band of time in the year. I think there’s something about the fall that holds memories better than the other seasons. I don’t know for sure what or why that is, I can only speculate. I theorize it has something to do with the way the air smells, how you can sense autumn coming on the wind in late summer. There’s something in that fall smell, and whatever it is, I find it to be at its most distilled in October.
Two years ago I started this blog on a very particular date - that date being what I once hoped to be a self-publishing date for the very same book I’m working on now. Every day I hone my craft I likewise grow happier that I never actually published any work back then. Regardless, my first entry in this blog was somewhat unique, and my entry from last year at this time was a reflection on what I’ve learned since. This essentially means that I’ve never had a proper October entry in this blog until now.
What makes an entry Octobery? Should be obvious, I want to write about spooky things, hence the title. I think I’ve established myself as a lover of all things creepy and horrific (fictionally speaking, of course) - the question really is, where to begin? It’s one of those topics that means so much to me, but strangely hasn’t quite had a proper spotlight on this blog. In a way it reminds me of my overall body of work, whereas I’ve held off on writing straight horror (with the exception of a screenplay I wrote a couple years ago) for reasons I’m not entirely certain about. Perhaps because of this fact or perhaps instead simply due to the season, I’ve found myself in the mood to indulge my darker, more macabre interests - but before I get further into that, allow me to share my monthly writing updates.
I’ve got what I think is an exciting bit of progress to share this month. Very shortly after writing last month’s entry, I heard back from the editor I hired for Codetta that his work was done. Since then, I reached a stopping point with the manuscript I was working on in the meantime and have returned my efforts towards working through the suggested edits. Given that this was my first extensive professional edit, it was initially quite daunting to see everything that merited revision - but after reviewing the editor’s materials a couple times over, I was able to create an editing plan that ultimately made me realize that there wasn’t so much to fix after all… At least, relatively speaking. Nothing worth being too afraid of, let’s say.
In the intervening time, I threw myself into the edits, and was even making substantial progress within the first week. Pretty early into the process I found myself wishing I had requested a full developmental edit much sooner. No lie, money has always been the biggest issue, and if resources were infinite, I would have given my little book all that I could years back. However, between wanting to be budget conscious and because of the foolish idea that I possibly might not need a developmental edit, I strayed away from ever getting one. That said, it’s been clear that it was a worthwhile investment. There are things you think you know about writing, concepts that you may have heard a thousand times over, but until you’ve seen where a professional has meticulously pointed out such flaws in your own work, it may not always be so concrete - or at least that was the case for my goofy ass.
Still, it’s not been an easy process. It’s been trying on levels I hadn’t previously expected. I would say outside of all the stress of doing the work, there has also been something of a low level dread building - a fear about my own writing that has coalesced with my general anxiety about the world we’re living in. So, what a perfect time to want to write about horror.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of everything. I couldn’t handle a scary movie or anything like that to any extent. I’m still unsure if that early fear is what ultimately sparked my later interest. Either way, like most American kids, I grew up with Halloween always being one of the best times of the year, so a seasonal love of scary things was always baked into into my psychology. However, at some point I made a distinct turn as my interest in horror and all things related grew. I think my preferences began to take shape when I discovered that I could check out Stephen King books from my middle school library (to the general approval of what I remember being a rather pretty school librarian, but that’s neither here nor there). Being able to explore a scary story in my own mind was much more intriguing and far less frightening than watching a movie, for example. But that was only the beginning.
As I got a little bit older, I expanded into horror video games following novels - video games were after all my favorite medium when I was a kid. Helped a bit that as I was getting around that age where one becomes curious about content made for a slightly more mature demographic that horror games were having a bit of a golden era. They still scared me quite a bit, but the impression they made on my growing mind was indelible. One game that fascinated me then and stays with me to this day as one of my all time favorite franchises is Silent Hill. I joke about Codetta being a YA take on Silent Hill - but the older I get the more I realize how much this isn’t necessarily a joke (especially given how Silent Hill in particular has been so bereft of a quality story for quite some time).
The Octobers of my adolescence were especially impactful. In high school I started making friends who I bonded with by visiting haunted house attractions and exploring abandoned buildings in the woods after watching scary movies. Again, a lot of this shows up in my book - and it’s a large part of why I’m actually pretty stoked to be working on it again during this time of year.
That said, I’ve alluded to why Codetta and the autumn mean so much to me countless times over these entries. But it’s been during this recent edit that the strange, aforementioned fear has made itself harder to ignore - which is all the more troubling considering I should be in my happy place, creatively speaking. I fear my writing will never be where I want it to be. I fear that this book, which I’ve dedicated so much of myself to, will never meet the expectations I’ve always had for it. I fear that the world ultimately won’t need a book like mine with the direction it’s headed. Of course fear is pretty normal for everyone right now, and perhaps a part of me is simply very eager to tap into that. In short, I’ve had the call to write a proper horror novel, utilizing everything I’ve learned about the craft thus far. Fortunately, the possibility of rewriting Codetta’s sequel has remained on the horizon, so maybe I’ll get to it sooner than later… and maybe it will be a lot darker than the original.
As an introvert, I’ve not minded remaining at home these past few months. However, the fact that I’m currently finding myself in October has made the loss of the passage of time the most disquieting it’s been thus far. At some point, I found myself looking at the calendar and wondering how I missed the first day of the month - which for me, always tend to be a minor holiday of sorts itself. Somehow it just got by me, and there was even a full moon… The real horror, as it turns out, is the loss of joy and potential memories as these days and hours just fade away into the fog. So, I’m going to do my best to slow things down to a pace where the small things can be savored for what they are, at least just for this month. Wish me luck - and thanks so much for reading.
