A Formal Challenge

Hello reader! I was originally wanting to say so many things in this entry that I was beginning to freeze up entirely - luckily, getting unfrozen has been a reoccurring theme lately. If there’s been one goal I’ve put forth a lot of time and effort in pursuing, it’s in figuring out what decentering myself actually means and how to do the work to achieve that. This entry, as they’ve always been, is about sharing what I’ve learned with my fellow privileged folks and outlining integral concepts for improvement.

I’ll begin with what I’ve been simply calling the challenge - one I’ve mentioned in the past, but have failed to fully articulate in a meaningful way. The first part of this challenge is simple, as all it entails is that you read a book by a BIPOC author (Black, Indigenous, and people of color) - but it doesn’t stop there. For awhile, the challenge was personal and had a time limit (ie. I chose to only read Black authors through 2019) - but I knew something was off, that’s why I haven’t endorsed the challenge towards others quite yet… It’s not enough to set an arbitrarily timeline, and it’s not thorough enough to say you should only be reading a certain perspective exclusively during that set aside time. This is why after thinking it through, the challenge has evolved into something more resembling a longterm commitment.

So reader, here is what I task you with going forward: Begin reading BIPOC authors today and don’t stop next year. Commit yourself to ensuring there is always a book by a point of view other than you’re own that you’re either currently reading, or have just completed, or have next up on your list. That may mean alternating your choices, or even reading multiple books at once (I admit, this is easily said for me, as I typically read recently published fiction from the genres I’m currently writing along with a second book, typically non-fiction) - whatever works for you, so long as you make a deliberate, maintained attempt at broadening your reading selections going forward.

I know this isn’t perfect, and so I’m open to suggestions on how to make this challenge stronger! I want to encourage you not to let this challenge simply be performative in nature - the point is that it goes from being a challenge to a part of your everyday life - a point I only came to after processing thousands of my own rambling words.

Decentering oneself and engaging in meaningful action over the longrun are two important concepts for white allies to master. Both require putting in the work, a task I’ve found that most middle class white people aren’t inclined to do on their own - myself included, of course. As mentioned, I struggled with this entry more than the typical entry, as this blog by nature has always been about centering myself and my journey; so like many things in life at this moment, I needed to put in the time to figure out how and to what extent this blog can even be a useful platform. I can’t keep insecurely repeating myself, and I still haven’t found a complete answer - but I’ve learned that it’s a long road, and that some things simply have to be restructured in order to effectively make the journey…That could mean a lot of things, such as this blog for one, but also my lifestyle, my thinking and behavioral patterns, and even my writing dreams to a respectable extent.

For the longest time, publishing was my only goal. However, in pursuit of that goal, my self-awareness has increased as I’ve made progress and grown as an individual. I’ve shifted away from publishing being the only goal, as I now find that goal in the way I had previously conceptualized it to be empty of value. Nothing should be done without reason, and I regret to say that the reasons I have previously cited on why I should be a novelist are dependent on false assumptions generated by the twin pillars of Capitalism and my own privileged point of view… And I’ve never even liked Capitalism - I swear!

I believe every gesture, pursuit, and all callings betwixt must be instilled with a sense of Value - notice the capital “V” there. It is through the understanding of core values that we can find energy and drive in something beyond the seeking of our own, individual comforts. Clear, definable, actionable values should be at the heart of all motivations - they should be easily communicable in order to foster earnestness, authenticity, and accountability… Oh shit, I sound like a politician or a CEO now… My bad, I’m doing code switching poorly again - it’s a rather tricky skill, as it turns out!

Anyway, My aims have faltered in the past due to misguided pursuits bereft of value. Who am I to expect my words be worthy of anyone’s time without a thorough examination of my own intent and purpose? I have been a shitty writer. I have put shitty white people things in my books. This is no longer acceptable in any regard, and realigning myself from the ground up is the only way to add any merit to my own gestures and postures.

I’m ashamed of my past silence, my past cruelties, my past insecurities. My values align must align now and forever with the pursuit of a society wherein access to education and resources are universally available to all who need them, and where children are protected, encouraged, and given equal access to opportunities. I’m committed to the restructure of society in tandem with my own personal restructuring into new forms where the pursuit and obtainment of such values are better assured.

In short, BLACK LIVES MATTER. Now and forever.

I commit myself to no ideology, dogma, economic system, baggage, catch phrase, hashtag, or propaganda other than these values I’ve expressed, along with others that are less relevant to this moment, but can likewise be unified in the momentum of real, actionable effort.

Furthermore, I look to those who look like me: I will no longer fail you, or myself, or marginalized groups by remaining silent in the face of opportunities for growth and change - painful as they will inevitably be. Comfort for comfort’s sake should no longer be considered a meritorious pursuit alone. Comfort must not be a distraction from injustice, but rather comfort must be dependent on the participation in, and existence of a just, equitable society.

So with all that said, I thank you as always for your time and attention - but now the moment calls for you to direct that towards the next step. Good luck and stay committed!